What To Do When Your Family Hates Your Significant Other

In our mental image of a perfect life, we are sitting around the Sunday dinner table surrounded by all of the people that we love. Our parents, husbands, children and other relatives are all together and enjoying each other’s company. While this Norman Rockwell-ish scene is a lovely way to live, in reality this is not how it always happens.

Some of us are blessed to have families who love our significant others as if they were always a part of the family, while in other cases some families want nothing to do with a loved one’s spouse or partner. While it can be stressful and upsetting when the ones you love most do not get along, there are some things you can do to help ease the pain and tension.

Talk it out

Find out what is causing the hard feelings between your loved ones and do what you can to initiate a civilized conversation about the problem. It may just be a misunderstanding or unfounded fears and worries that are causing the problem between your family members. If so, a little conversation may be all it takes to get everyone on the same page.

Don’t allow disrespect

Whether or not your significant other is around, do not allow your family members to disrespect them or speak unkindly about them. If they start, quickly let them know that this will not be tolerated and you will remove yourself from their presence if it continues. Ask that they at least respect your place and your feelings by keeping their opinions to themselves.

Ask for outside help

If you cannot seem to get your loved ones to come to an understanding, consider having someone step in as a mediator. Often when someone who is removed from the situation helps to intervene, a happy medium can be reached. Bringing in someone from the outside, such as a counsellor or professional mediator, might sound extreme, but remember that these are the people who matter most in your life and having them at least get along will make all of your lives much happier.

Split your time

When all else fails, try to spend time with your family and your spouse or boyfriend separately. Share holidays and special occasions between them so that you can still have quality time with everyone that you love. This can sometimes make you feel a bit stressed, but if you cannot get your family and significant other to a point where they can tolerate each other, this is the only way to keep everyone happy.

Keep everyone involved

Problems between your spouse and your family can be extremely difficult when you have children. Try to include everyone in special events that involve your children and make sure that the kids’ feelings and emotions are kept at the forefront during these times. Remind them that they are all adults and can certainly tolerate each other for a while for the sake of the children and their feelings.

Try not to take sides

As difficult as it may be, especially when there is an obvious right and wrong party, try not to choose your spouse over your family or vice versa. Just let them know that you love them all and are disappointed that they cannot accept each other and get along. Choosing one over the other will likely only make the hard feelings even worse and create an even messier situation for you to deal with.

Never blame yourself or take the blame

No matter how bad things get, always remember that you cannot control people’s feelings. If your family does not like your choice of partner, this is not your fault though it can be your problem. Do not feel guilty about their feelings or allow anyone to blame you for the way they are acting. They are adults who can make their own decision about how to act, as are you.

Hopefully, you can get things to a point where your family can at least get along with your significant other and be comfortable together. If not, you will just have to find a way to keep everyone separated to keep the peace. Feuding families can be one of the most stressful things to deal with, but in order to keep everyone you love in your life; it is sometimes a necessary evil. Try to be the bigger person and do your part to bring everyone together, without stepping on toes and hurting feelings further. It may not work, but at least you know that you tried.