Hilarious Lines From Online Dating Profiles brought to you by fringles.com

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If you have put any effort at all into online dating, I'm sure that you've read plenty about how to write online profiles, and how NOT to write them. Knowing the basics about that is a good thing, of course, and I've written my fair share on the subject.

The truth is that there is a wealth of information our there and help is readily available when it comes to creating terrific, effective online profiles. Yet, you can somehow always count on finding plenty of particularly entertaining material like what follows when browsing profile narratives.

All of these are lifted from actual profiles. Enjoy!

"I'm a walking, talking dichotomy. I hope you're the same."
After all, opposites attract, right?

"I need a man who can full feel my fantasies."
I distinctly remember an email I wrote to this one entitled, "Feeling Full". I don't remember a response. Haha.

"The three things I want most in a man are honesty, sincerity and truthfulness."
Great. The three things I want most in a woman are repetition, redundancy and duplication.

"I am recently divorced, so I am now at a stage in my life where I am not looking for one night stands."
Well, thank goodness both the marriage and that sort of behavior have come to an end. I wonder if that's a coincidence?

"I don't drink beer, but I'll play darts at the bar with a screwdriver"
Be sure to use a Philips. Those pointy ones seem to stick to the dartboard better.

"I'll bend over backwards to help anyone who needs it, but I refuse to be a pushover."
OK, so she doesn't need any help bending over backwards, get it?

"Attractive, fun, professional woman looking to date the same."
Hmm. Can't help you there, girlie. I'm a guy.

"I AM A HAPPY AND HONEST PERSON I HATE LAYS AND TO BE UNLOYAL"
Well, that about covers everything.

"I have my B.S. and J.D. I mostly use the B.S. part to do my J.D. job."
Anyone who is divorced can appreciate that one. Thanks for being honest.

"A man who does not mind the simple and loving jesters I may send his way."
Nah, I'm good. I'm pretty well stocked up on freaks with funky suits and bells on their hats.

"I hate complainers."
Why? We LOVE you.

"I am an independent woman and don't need a man to support me, although the ability to do so would be nice."
At least the truth came out early. LOL