How can you dodge the bullet, in terms of avoiding the dreaded first date, so that nobody's feelings get hurt?
My suggestion is to accomplish this task during the very first telephone call.
Here are some remarks you can make, during the course of your 'phone exchange, that will ensure that you will neither receive a second 'phone call nor be pressed into ever going out with an individual you have no desire to meet.
1. "Can you keep a secret? The last guy I told this to tried to call "America's Most Wanted", but that's okay, because (snicker) he's no longer in the position to report anything to anybody".
2. "Yeah, just the other night when I was right in the middle of shaving my back ..."
3. "Personal hygiene is soooo 20th Century"!
4. "You sound really sensitive. Bet you wouldn't walk off just because a girl has 2 or 3 highly-visible, gigantic, pus-filled growths in the center of her forehead"!
5. "So, is this your first time dating somebody with multiple personalities"?
6. "Wow, I love the Lakers, too...in spite of that restraining order they got put on me for stalking several team members".
7. "Do you mind if I bring my children along on our date? It's so hard to find a babysitter, once they find out you have 22 kids"!
8. "Do you have any personal hang-ups regarding cannibalism"?
9. "Do you like spontaneity, 'cause I can give you spontaneity. baby, like just, all of a sudden, right in the middle of us dining in a restaurant, standing on my head and oinking like a pig"
10. "The doctor says he's never seen a skin condition like mine, just like an armadillo"!
11. You know, I think it's true what they say about pets and their owners. I've had my bulldog Spencer for over 10 years now and the two of us are really starting to look a lot alike!"
12. "You must be a very understanding person. You know, not every guy would feel comfortable taking out somebody with a severe flatulence problem".
13. "You should hear what I did during my last psychotic episode"!
14. "My idea of the perfect first date? Personally, I think there's nothing more fun than holding up a convenience store or two, just to break the ice".
15. "Do you ever get the urge to just scream, I mean SCREAM AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS, GETTING LOUDER AND LOUDER WITH EVERY WORD? HUH? HUH?"
by Angela Coleman
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