Thursday, May 7, 2009

How to Get Out of a Blind Date

Step 1

Make an escape plan with a friend ahead of time. If you are one of those fatalistic people that think every blind date could potentially be a bad one, then you know that planning ahead for disaster is sometimes necessary.Before you go out on your blind date, plan ahead with a good friend for a possible escape plan. If your blind date starts to turn sour, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. Once there, text your friend a code that you have determined ahead of time. It could be something as simple as "how are you?"Once back at the table, your friend will know to wait 10 minutes, then call you. On the other end of the line, your friend will be sobbing, in emotional ruin because something terrible has happened. You must rush to your friend's side to help them through this crisis. Any reasonable person will understand this situation, and you've gotten out of your terrible blind date, Scott-free.

Step 2

Wear them out. If you can feel that the blind date is lethargic, you can always make them want to go home, so the responsibility doesn't rest on your shoulders for ending the date prematurely. One way to do this is to run them ragged.
Rush through your dinner at a sprinter's pace, and tell your date that you can't wait to get out of the restaurant so they can move on to the next item of the evening. If you have something stationary like a movie planned, tell your date you want to ditch the movie and walk around a local park instead. Keep the activities physically taxing and before you know it, he'll be looking at his watch and making excuses to head home.

Step 3

Convince them that you're crazy. Nothing's a bigger turn-off than a loony bird and if you can convince them that you're crazy, you may have a quick ticket out of your blind date.Start off slow with some stories about your family. Maybe something about your unnatural attachment to your mother or a disturbing story about camp when you were little.After a while, start displaying subtle but odd behavior, like polishing your butter knife every 30 seconds. After about half an hour of this strange behavior, your date will very likely be eager to find the waiter for the check and you'll be able to move on as well.

Step 4

Be honest. The best, if not the most difficult, way to get out of a blind date is by simply telling the other person the truth. This can be the hardest route because honesty is a hard pill to swallow.No one wants to hear that they aren't right for someone else, or that something they planned and looked forward to isn't working out. It isn't fun for either person to give or receive this news, but in the long run, it is the best policy.They will always remember you as the one guy that didn't feed them a line or lie to them and ultimately that reflects on you as being an ethical person.Who knows, maybe they'll end up talking about you to one of their friends who is right for you and something good will come of that, instead.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009 Quote of the day Quote of the day as it pertains to the world of online dating !!

Is it an excellence in your love that it can love only the extraordinary, the rare? If it were love’s merit to love the extraordinary, then God would be — if I dare say so — perplexed, for to Him the extraordinary does not exist at all. The merit of being able to love only the extraordinary is therefore more like an accusation, not against the extraordinary nor against love, but against the love which can love only the extraordinary. Perfection in the object is not perfection in the love. Erotic love is determined by the object; friendship is determined by the object; only love of one’s neighbor is determined by love. Therefore genuine love is recognizable by this, that its object is without any of the more definite qualifications of difference, which means that this love is recognizable only by love.

~ Søren Kierkegaard ~

Monday, May 4, 2009

The 20 best date movies ever

20 House of Flying Daggers
Zhang Yimou, 2004

Love is a dangerous game in this martial-arts spectacular. In Tang dynasty China, a handsome young warrior rescues a beautiful blind woman allied with a rebel army. As they flee the pursuing government officers, inevitably they fall in love. But both are harbouring secrets from each other – can love survive the truth? The breath-taking battle sequences make this the perfect date movie for people who like a little fight in their relationships.

19 An Officer and a Gentleman
Taylor Hackford, 1982

A rare chick-flick-guy-movie hybrid, this tale of a wannabe aviator, Zack Mayo (Richard Gere), and his agonising year in flight-school, has bar brawls, punch-ups and endless scenes of “Mayonaaaise” being abused by gunnery sergeant Emil Foley (Louis Gossett Jr). Yet it’s also loaded with love stuff, courtesy of Mayo’s local hottie (Debra Winger). Despite the rousing final scene, note that the real romance is between Mayo and Foley.
"Odd combination of new-fangled performers": how The Times reviewed it, 1983

18 Shortbus
John Cameron Mitchell, 2006

A bit of a baptism of fire, this one. If you can get past the opening titles – a riot of unsimulated sexual acts – this film has an emotionally satisfying core that transcends the orgies and erect members. The adventures of a group of carnally creative New Yorkers, Shortbus provides an inclusive, unexpectedly romantic look at unconventional relationships.

17 Dark Water
Hideo Nakata, 2002

Horror films make great date movies – what better excuse to grab part of your date’s anatomy than some hell-spook lunging at you from the screen? And they don’t get much creepier than this Japanese ghost story about a single mother, her little girl and an apartment block with a sinister damp patch. Rather than the repeated jumps of an American horror, the film relies on a gradual build-up of unbearable tension.

16 Jerry Maguire
Cameron Crowe, 1996

Crowe’s sports movie romance is ideal for date-movie virgins. Just slushy enough to jerk some tears, it bounces the sports agent Tom Cruise (at his most appealing) between Cuba Gooding Jr’s ambitious American footballer and Renée Zellweger’s idealistic assistant. Yes, the comedy is understated, and the football scenes are only vaguely exciting. But the payoff is Cruise facing Zellweger across the living room, baring his soul. “I love you.” Sniffle. “You, complete, me!”

15 Crazy/Beautiful
John Stockwell, 2001

Stockwell’s ostensibly formulaic movie is about a rich Pacific Palisades wild child (Kirsten Dunst) falling for a hard-working Latino (Jay Hernandez) from the wrong side of LA. And yet, beneath the star-crossed premise lies a remarkable ability to tap into the pain, the confusion and the sheer eye-moistening beauty of first teenage love. When Dunst blubs, half in shock, half in wonder, to Hernandez, “I think I’m in love with you!” it’s a cue to entwine fingers with your partner.

14 Monsoon Wedding
Mira Nair, 2001

Picking a movie about a wedding might set the alarm bells ringing, particularly if this is a first date, but what the heck. Vibrant and messy, joyful but with an honest approach to the characters’ problems, Monsoon Wedding is a delight. And amid the chaos of a big Punjabi wedding a heartswelling love blossoms between the wedding planner P. K. Dubey and the family maid Alice. Pure romance.

13 Ghost
Jerry Zucker, 1990

A date-movie heavyweight, Ghost contains the tragic death of a paramour, love from beyond the grave, and Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore getting jiggy by the potter’s wheel. Thus, when Swayze’s dead accounts manager eventually tells Moore’s blubbing artist, in the ghostly climax: “I love you, Molly”, it’s hard not to go gooey inside. An evening of slush beckons as you and your date promise to haunt each other after death.

12 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Michel Gondry, 2004

Gondry’s movie is strong medicine for couples unsure of their long-term prospects. It charts the implosion of the relationship between nerdy Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) and idiosyncratic Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet). It also posits a brutal world where sexual betrayal and manipulation are the norm. Nonetheless, in there lives the notion that we return to the romantic battle-field because the prospect of feeling love is greater than any pain. Which is kind of cute.

11 Dirty Dancing
Emile Ardolino, 1987

This fantastically preposterous movie about a group of rebel dancers lead by Patrick Swayze’s Johnny Castle is a dual purpose date flick. Johnny’s bad-ass attempts at liberating Baby Houseman (Jennifer Grey) through the power of dance and awful dialogue (“Nobody puts Baby in the corner!”) can be enjoyed with a wild ironic sneer, or as a cosy warm-up to a night of beginner’s salsa. Either way, you’re on to a winner.

10 Scream
Wes Craven, 1996

Just because Wes Craven’s self-aware teen slasher movie mischievously references numerous Hollywood horror movies it doesn’t mean that there aren’t some real scares in this smart-aleck revamping of the serial killer flick. The combination of date-grabbing narrative shocks, edge-of-the-seat tension and some very funny in-jokes make this an ideal date flick for fans of popcorn horror.

9 North by Northwest
Alfred Hitchcock, 1959

It’s all about the power of suggestion here. After two hours of frenetic pursuits and international espionage, the mild-mannered advertising executive Roger Thornhill (Cary Grant) and the hot blonde super-spy Eve Kendall (Eva Marie Saint) finally get steamy on a transcontinental love train. They kiss, they embrace and, just before the final credits, their phallic train plunges proudly into a gaping tunnel. You then turn, smiling, to your date. Yup, it’s that time of the night.
"Expert bit of film-making": The Times 1959 review

8 A bout de souffle
Jean-Luc Godard, 1960

This French New Wave standard bearer about a Bogart-obsessed criminal (Jean-Paul Belmondo) and his idealistic American moll (Jean Seberg) sets the perfect tone for ironic hipster romantics. Chunks of narrative time are spent in a Parisian bedroom, where the seminaked Seberg and Belmondo debate happiness, freedom and intimacy. It remains fresh today, just on the right side of sexy-cool.
"A film that holds the imagination": read The Times review from 1960

7 In the Mood For Love
Wong Kar Wai, 2000

Languid, lush, balmy and undercut with an exquisite melancholy – this has to be one of the most visually gorgeous cinema romances of all time. In Hong Kong, 1962, a journalist, Mr Chow (Tony Leung), and Mrs Chan (Maggie Cheung) are neighbours who discover that their spouses are having an affair with each other. Flung together by the betrayal, the pair fall for each other. The buttoned-up repression of their feelings triggers a smouldering, slow-burning build-up of sexual tension. Phew.

6 Before Sunrise/Before Sunset
Richard Linklater, 1995/2004

Watch either film on its own or treat yourself to a double bill of the wordy, witty banter between Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy), strangers in the night whose stolen moments together spark with shared ideas and mutual yearning. The sequel, set ten years after the pair’s first meeting, is even more poignant: experience has tempered the boundless optimism of youth; there’s less pretension and more genuine feeling in the snatched conversations during their daylong adventure in Paris. Gorgeous stuff.

5 Sideways
Alexander Payne, 2004

This is the perfect date movie for diehard cynics who, deep down, want to believe in the transformative power of love. Oh, and alcoholics. Ostensibly a darkly comic portrait of the friendship between the tortured divorcé Miles (Paul Giamatti) and ladies’ man Jack (Thomas Haden Church), the film gathers some romantic momentum when sad-sack Miles meets a fellow wine buff Maya (Virginia Madsen). Maya’s treatise on her favourite grape varieties is a devastatingly sexy coded message to hapless Miles; the film’s ending gives a glimpse of hope to us all.

4 Say Anything . . .
Cameron Crowe, 1989

I defy anyone not to melt at the scene where John Cusack serenades his former sweetheart Ione Skye by playing Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes on his ghetto-blaster beneath her window. And while Cusack’s choice of portable stereo equipment certainly dates the movie, the story and the engaging performances are as fresh as ever. A love story with integrity, this movie sets a benchmark for high school romances that cinema all too rarely reaches.

3 Brokeback Mountain
Ang Lee, 2005

The emblematic quote, “I wish I knew how to quit you”, has become something of a punchline now, thanks to the endless Brokeback parodies that followed in the movie’s wake. Yet Lee’s film remains a sucker-punch testament to the power of love against the odds (in this case two tough hired hands, Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, who fall for each other). The gay-bashing finale, plus the recent loss of Ledger, is a downer, but you’ll certainly have plenty to talk about over starters.

2 Annie Hall
Woody Allen, 1977

The course of true love never did run smooth, but in Allen’s wry comedy of sexual manners it’s a minefield of neuroses. It’s perhaps counter-intuitive that a film about the breakdown of a mismatched relationship between the sarky pessimist Alvy Singer and ditsy Annie Hall should be such a terrific date movie. But there’s something so joyfully transcendent about sharing the pitch-perfect comedy of, for example, the lobster scene with a loved one that you forget that Alvy and Annie’s romance was doomed and concentrate on the quicksilver banter and mercurial wit.
"The very best of friends": what The Times said in 1977

1 The Philadelphia Story
George Cukor, 1940

A wedding movie before the concept became a cliché, and a rom-com before the genre was invented, The Philadelphia Story is the original and the definitive date flick. Genuine screen chemistry and rapid-fire badinage abound, as the boozy reporter James Stewart, the smoothie exhusband Cary Grant and the acridly witty bride-to-be Katharine Hepburn bicker, flirt and smooch around a Long Island mansion on the eve of the latter’s society wedding. Smart and romantic, without being saccharine, it is the giddy mood-setter par excellence for any date.

by The Times

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Tips on Dating

How Can I Tell If Someone Is Interested In Me?
Somewhere between 80-90 percent of all first dates occur after two people show each other a little attention. People typically do not ask someone out that they do not know. So if you want to ask someone out, it's a good idea to try talking with the person first or, at the very least, establish a little eye contact. In general, most people can get a feel for whether someone would want to date them or not. If you do not know whether the person is interested in you, take a little more time and try to interact with them before you ask them out. Do they respond to your attempts at communication? Do they flirt with you? Do they smile at you? Are they open with you? Answer these questions and you will know if someone is interested in you.

What If She´s Out of My League?

We live in a democracy, but it's funny how class distinctions rear their ugly head where dating is concerned. Suddenly certain boys and girls are 'better' or 'too good' for others. Remember, the only one making that distinction is you. If you want to ask out a girl -- regardless of her 'class,' do so, being confident that she will say yes. She´ll be more likely to say yes to someone who is confident. And who knows? She may not get asked out all that often because many boys think the same way you do. Take a chance. You may have a date with a girl 'way out of your league' this weekend.

What Is Self-Love and How Does It Apply to Dating?
Loving oneself is an important factor in developing dating skills. Below are some behaviors that are present when someone truly loves him or herself:

a) acknowledging and praising yourself verbally--to yourself
b) surrounding yourself with people who nourish you
c) developing your creative drives
d) having fun
e) surrounding yourself with beauty
f) creating an abundant network of friends
g) rewarding yourself
h) having confidence in your abilities
i) letting yourself win
j) following your own intuition
k) seeing your own perfection
l) taking credit for what you did
m) seeing yourself as equal to others
n) letting in affection

If you truly love yourself, you exude an air of confidence and good will that makes you more attractive to potential dating partners. So, love yourself!

Monday, April 20, 2009

5 Guy Tendencies You’re Just Gonna Have To Deal With

Men love to argue that women want to ‘change’ them. Ok. But that is irrelevant. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And even if you could, would you want to be dating that dog?

The simple truth is that there are male tendencies that we just have to tolerate if we’re going to have a man around often enough to get annoyed. Don’t bother denouncing these guy habits. They’re gonna be there whether you see them or not, and whether you accept them or not.

5 Guy Tendencies We’re Just Gonna Have To Deal With

1. Memory.

Ladies, we can sponge up information, particularly conversation details, all we want. This isn’t going to make men better listeners, let alone rememberers. I don’t know the science of how our brains are wired, but I do know that men don’t give a sh*t about 80% of what we give a sh*t about, and they’re not going to go out of their way any time soon to start giving a sh*t. Date plans, anniversaries, your favorite color, that time your mother pissed you off…don’t expect any recollections from men.

2. Flakiness.

Since a lot of guys can’t remember things, (see above), a lot of them are also liable to flake out on you. Should you put up with this one? Eh, I don’t. But be ready. Men will, moreso than women in my opinion, flake out of dates/arrangements with you and you’ll be expected to understand.

3. “You Need Me” Syndrome.

Men love to feel needed. Honestly, who doesn’t? But certain male needs require needing to feel like a…well…MAN. Most men want to pay for your dinner, want to drive, and want to be stronger and bigger than you. If you can’t deal with this, no worries. There are stilly plenty of girly guys out there.

4. The Sexuality of Women.

You’re not going to make a man stop seeing other women sexually, so if you think you can, you might as well quit while you’re ahead. Your man might stop going to strip clubs, looking at porn, or staring at girls’ asses (in front of you), but he’ll still stare behind your back. Men are programmed this way; it’s just one of those things.

5. Money.

Men don’t always value things the way women do. They might want to buy a new fancy car when you would maybe rather put the money toward a house. They might think that spending $100 a weekend at the bar is worth it and you may not. The important thing? It’s not your money. You have to get over this one and leave your concern only for how you spend your own money; not how he spends his.

By Elizabeth-Baruch College

Monday, April 13, 2009

What To Do When Your Family Hates Your Significant Other

In our mental image of a perfect life, we are sitting around the Sunday dinner table surrounded by all of the people that we love. Our parents, husbands, children and other relatives are all together and enjoying each other’s company. While this Norman Rockwell-ish scene is a lovely way to live, in reality this is not how it always happens.

Some of us are blessed to have families who love our significant others as if they were always a part of the family, while in other cases some families want nothing to do with a loved one’s spouse or partner. While it can be stressful and upsetting when the ones you love most do not get along, there are some things you can do to help ease the pain and tension.

Talk it out

Find out what is causing the hard feelings between your loved ones and do what you can to initiate a civilized conversation about the problem. It may just be a misunderstanding or unfounded fears and worries that are causing the problem between your family members. If so, a little conversation may be all it takes to get everyone on the same page.

Don’t allow disrespect

Whether or not your significant other is around, do not allow your family members to disrespect them or speak unkindly about them. If they start, quickly let them know that this will not be tolerated and you will remove yourself from their presence if it continues. Ask that they at least respect your place and your feelings by keeping their opinions to themselves.

Ask for outside help

If you cannot seem to get your loved ones to come to an understanding, consider having someone step in as a mediator. Often when someone who is removed from the situation helps to intervene, a happy medium can be reached. Bringing in someone from the outside, such as a counsellor or professional mediator, might sound extreme, but remember that these are the people who matter most in your life and having them at least get along will make all of your lives much happier.

Split your time

When all else fails, try to spend time with your family and your spouse or boyfriend separately. Share holidays and special occasions between them so that you can still have quality time with everyone that you love. This can sometimes make you feel a bit stressed, but if you cannot get your family and significant other to a point where they can tolerate each other, this is the only way to keep everyone happy.

Keep everyone involved

Problems between your spouse and your family can be extremely difficult when you have children. Try to include everyone in special events that involve your children and make sure that the kids’ feelings and emotions are kept at the forefront during these times. Remind them that they are all adults and can certainly tolerate each other for a while for the sake of the children and their feelings.

Try not to take sides

As difficult as it may be, especially when there is an obvious right and wrong party, try not to choose your spouse over your family or vice versa. Just let them know that you love them all and are disappointed that they cannot accept each other and get along. Choosing one over the other will likely only make the hard feelings even worse and create an even messier situation for you to deal with.

Never blame yourself or take the blame

No matter how bad things get, always remember that you cannot control people’s feelings. If your family does not like your choice of partner, this is not your fault though it can be your problem. Do not feel guilty about their feelings or allow anyone to blame you for the way they are acting. They are adults who can make their own decision about how to act, as are you.

Hopefully, you can get things to a point where your family can at least get along with your significant other and be comfortable together. If not, you will just have to find a way to keep everyone separated to keep the peace. Feuding families can be one of the most stressful things to deal with, but in order to keep everyone you love in your life; it is sometimes a necessary evil. Try to be the bigger person and do your part to bring everyone together, without stepping on toes and hurting feelings further. It may not work, but at least you know that you tried.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

How to Make The First Move on a Date

While it’s acceptable to wait for your date’s advances, it’s more fun and fulfilling to create your own destiny. Making the first move on date doesn’t have to be the awful experience. With a little confidence and timing, you can readily enjoy the benefits of taking matters into your own hands. Don’t let shyness or lack of skill stop you from sharing in a magical dating moment. Read on to learn how to make the first move on a date.

Break the ice. Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience so allow your date to relax by setting the appropriate atmosphere. Engage your date in interesting conversation to break any silence and relieve nervous tension. Consider playing music to help set the desired mood. The goal is to make your date feel as comfortable as possible while you plan your next move.
Build your confidence. You must be confident in order to make the first move on a date. Judge your date’s reactions to your witty jokes and playful banter. As your date begins to ease into the moment, take pride in your ability to be an engaging host or hostess. Accept any compliments you’re given to help boost your own ego. Besides, you must have something desirable or you wouldn’t be on the date in the first place.
Test the waters. Attempt to make physical contact with your date. Do things like brushing up against them while you’re reaching for the remote or engaging them in a playful game of tag. Use your date’s reaction to pick your next move. Outright disgust should be taken as a sign to immediately adjust your approach while flirtatious signals should encourage you to continue with your mission.
Make your move. Your actions should be deliberate and unmistakable. This is not the time to second guess your results or lose confidence in yourself or your abilities. Lean in close to your date and let them know your desires. Choose between verbal and nonverbal communication to make your point known. For example, grab your date’s hand as you pucker up for that perfect kiss.
Accept the results. Your date is entitled to their own reaction to your move making. If you are successful, enjoy the moment and go with the flow of the situation. Don’t take it too personally if your advances are unreturned. No matter the result, you had the courage to make the first move.

by Remy Logan